Generic Ensign's Log: Scientific Method

Generic Ensign's Log

Stardate: 51244.3

8:23 AM: Up early because I can't sleep because I feel awful. Rang up Samantha to see if she was awake and she was because Naomi's been wailing all night and also because she has a weird rash. Oh, also, I caught B'Elanna and Tom making out in the lift on my way to breakfast but my head feels like it's full of cotton and I just don't even care about their deal right now.

10:23 AM: Went down to sickbay to see if I could get something for this chest/head cold and Chakotay was in there and he looked awful. I mean, I know we've all seen a lot of terrible things happen to people on this ship and I know they always get better and I know we pretty much always forget about it but seriously--Chakotay looked awful. Dude looked like he's aged about a hundred years over night. Also apparently his tattoo goes back over his ear. I had no idea.

12:13 PM: Just saw Seven slinking around looking suspicious.

12:15 PM: Oh crap here comes Tuvok. Something's about to go down.

1:20 PM: Holy shit. So apparently the reason we all feel awful is because a bunch of jerk aliens have been doing medical research on us without our consent and we couldn't even see or detect them. Chakotay looks terrible because someone cranked up his olds, apparently. I went back to The Doctor for this head/chest cold (which is probably really some kind of alien robot parasite crawling around in there) and Crewman Luke absolutely just bit it right there in the floor. Her face veins turned all red and she died and there was nothing anyone could do. She was supposed to come with me and Samantha to the holodeck tomorrow!

3:45 PM: Well, the aliens refused to leave and of course the captain refused to back down. She decided she'd rather run the ship into a couple of pulsars than keep these jerks around. We barely made it out.

6:50 PM: Everyone's on the mend now that the aliens are gone. Well, everyone except me. Turns out my problem wasn't caused by the aliens. Uggh. You can reverse age a guy in about five minutes but I've still just got a chest cold and a fist-full of Mucinex.